King of Darkness — hooligan mag

by Lucy Hayes

I.

The woman yawns & doesn’t cover
her mouth. To be a woman is to be agape.
Surprise. A woman is tired; a man
that men love to quote said a woman’s sexuality
is a series of lacks. A woman shouts
in the darkness & the darkness
is louder, still
she goes bare-

foot to her base-
ment laundry room,
machines echo & muf-
fle the pop of corks, cherries
unstemmed by the new neigh-
bors next-door, stems needle
an orchestra loose from their mouths
their faces smudge like wet
paint into the streetlights. saxo-
phone siphoning night onto their
lips & back & they dirty that muted mid-

night sky. Some man’s key is turn-
ing back time like a theory.
He’s holds the metal loosely
I barely hear the series of clicks
like a machine opening him to me.
Surprise. I am home
on a planet that won’t let me
leave. Airless is the atmo-
sphere, doorless the sky.

Like planets, honeyed laughter hangs
in orbit outside my window. My window is stuck
open like breath in a flute holding itself in
before the final note. I am final
astronaut in my spaceship
trying not to look down at the earth’s muddy light––
skyscraper, satellite, star, screen

II.

In the Bible, Agape is the high-
est form of love, the love God gives to
us. In the film The Passion of the Christ, Lucifer
is played by Rosalinda Celentano.
I am a girl, ten, & every-

one in my confirmation class wears sloppy tears. I can’t
stop looking at Satan’s mouth, her cheek-
bones, her hands & her name, like my name,
means light. The King of Darkness is a woman
& it makes sense. I am a girl that plays

whole symphonies from her boombox, so loud,
into a tunnel just to hear the echo. To remember
what I heard. To know I did not make it up.

III.

I am a jealous woman. I am a gen-
ius woman. I am a gener-
ous women. I am a gull
ibble woman. I am a gen
tle wom-
an. I am a la
    zy woman. I am, woman
                     orbiting, woman,
                                 silly woman see a-
                               stronaut woman look li-
ght woman I am
                                                      like woman I am an-
gry I am sat
elite, wom
                                                                     an surprise wom-
                                                                    an I am hall-
owed, hollowed
I am key
less, on a planet lo-
oking for a light
left on loo-

king for
which li-
ght is ho-
me which
light left
on for me.

Lucy Hayes (she/her) is a poet and essayist from Minneapolis, Minnesota. A graduate of the Randolph College MFA program, her work is in or forthcoming from Rock & Sling, Mutiny!, and Bodega Magazine. She lives in Brooklyn, New York where she teaches writing to middle schoolers.