Sonnet to Consider Living

by Samantha Fain

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We listen to Harmony Hall in the car
& I sing louder than my friends with I don’t wanna live
like this, but I don’t wanna die. There are no good words
for suicide. Sun pearls my arm, loose 
on the car window. It’s spring & I won’t
romanticize dying, though I do want a way to say
I want to die without making anyone cry.
As I unroll the window I hold my fingers through the whipped
air & let March mother me, brush my body
tenderly. I didn’t mean to write a love poem
but the love keeps happening, despite
all my attempts to leave. No one notices 
when I sing louder; the moment passes anonymously.
It’s okay. I look for language to name me.

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Samantha Fain is a writer from Indiana. Her chapbooks “Coughing Up Planets” and “sad horse music” debuted with Vegetarian Alcoholic Press and The Daily Drunk in 2021. Her work has appeared in The Indianapolis Review, SWWIM, Peach Mag, and others. She tweets at @smnthfn. Find her at samanthafain.com.