split
by Keayva Mitchell
i keep writing about fucking & dying like either of them owe me something. i close my eyes
& name it orgasm. call the hard nail around my tongue sleep. there is something to be said of
blankets here but i don’t remember exactly what it sounds like. i mean to ask my therapist if
maybe this is growth. tonight i will watch an m. night. shyamalan movie & throw up on my
boyfriend’s roommate’s bathroom rug, entirely too close to the toilet to be forgivable [again]
but forgiven nevertheless. this has nothing to do with m. night shyamalan’s film-making
capabilities. i know what the beast is. his contortion has made my pussy dry for years & it’s
the same story. remember this? i am the shotgun. i am the unzipped jacket. hey. if you
mention the silence you become the silence. in grief, remember to leave the door unlocked. let
him come & hold your arms in his arms until your mushroomed bile soaks through every fiber
of the carpet. tears coming fast like unstoppable trains. they came so close i lifted the ocean &
choked on them. this is the second rug i’ve stained. fuck, the beast wouldn’t eat me either. too
many hot blanketed deaths & is the antidote for orgasm another orgasm? once, he gripped my
face & tilted my pussy into something domesticated & said you’re safe here & so i came apart
like a sugared lobotomy for the first time in twenty years. i begged a god for that particular
killing so many times. i never thought to leave the safety on. Hey. the silence is as bad as the
silence. cry or vomit or beg it back into yourself. tongue fuck. tongue i’m so sorry i’m so sorry
i’m so sorry. it’s been decades & i still never learned how to clean myself out of something
else without me setting. please. let’s go finish the movie. please. i can be fine. please. baby
baby i just need to see how it ends
Keayva Mitchell is a Black queer poet living in Long Beach, California. Her poetry has appeared or is forthcoming in Black Napkin Press, Fight Evil With Poetry, Wherewithal Lit, and Moon Tide Press, among others. You can find her at home, trying desperately to keep her plants alive.