chrysalism
by Pau Suárez Gomís
the cars in la sound like spaceships humming. they make me wanna go home. I'm not from here. this is where I live. well, this is
where I’m breathing right now. I don't really live anywhere. I don't have a home. I belong everywhere & nowhere all at once. I
think I came here to leave. in the interim, find a rock or something like a good lesson to put in my back pocket & take with me.
it doesn’t always feel good. no, at times it’s dreadful. sunshine is nice. it gives me a better chance at believing in anything good. I
try not to let the celebrities brainwash me to believe that I'm only worth how much I make, how hot I look or who I know.
someone asks me what I do as I scratch their order into the dry erase countertop. they want a hot almond milk cappuccino. to
save myself and this stranger some time — i tell them: this. this is what I do. they shake their head. no, what do you do?
I shit. I breathe. I believe in love. I get scared. I wake up & try again. I inhale & usually an exhale follows, sometimes. I walk
around. I dream. I write things down. I spin, twirl & fall. I giggle. I relish it. I feel the weight of something the size of a
tyrannosaurus lay on top of me in the 85° california sun. I keep walking. I say no. I feel sorry for myself. I weep tears of
triumph. I change my mind, often. I speculate. I regulate. I agitate. I look in the mirror to sigh. I soar & I fly. I forget. I gather
the reclamation. I stomach the feelings I do not have words for, yet. I reach my hands up towards the sky. I ask for a miracle. I
ask for a sign. I smile at hummingbirds. I smile at life. I smile at god. I place my hands on my heart. I meditate. I play the crystal
bowls. I heal things with my hands. I run away. I come home. I let myself be. I isolate. I shy away. I hide away. I play. I crave
things like a warm embrace & something to hold onto. I make tea. I flip the page. I catch forty winks. I ask myself what the
fuck is going on. I blush. I remember. I swoon. I collapse. I break. I surrender. I quit. I chant. I begin. I answer the call. I freak
the fuck out. I shit. I breathe
it’s sunny in los angeles today
the world is ending. I want it
to Rain, take my tears with her
melrose be gated up & put away
Pau Suárez Gomís is a free spirited, multidimensional fairy here to experience Earth for a short while. She is a queer Latina princess who spends her time merging the unseen with the seen. She enjoys the glitter of the sun on her skin, whispered storytelling and being like water. Find her at the nearest tree or dancing joyfully. Instagram: @pausuarezgomis